Well boys, it’s gonna be a wild fucking power rankings this week holy fuck. Seems as though the playoffs are already set to be honest. From a wild ride of betrayal, prophecies, alliances, failures and overcoming adversity. This season of Kalishna football is set to be better than any Game of Thrones series ever written. Holy fuck I am about to tear into your teams like a medium rare steak with A1 sauce served with a side of mashed potatoes and asparagus. Let’s dive right in boys.
Championship Contenders
1. Hasbulla Magomedov (4-0)
The might of Clan Presig strikes fear throughout the land. Chris Carson and Myles Gaskin pooled together for a measly 4.4 points but that didn’t stop Tyreek fucking Hill from dropping 47.6 FUCKING points which is absolutely fucking insane. This team seems to have some fucking stacked wide receivers and QB’s on its team but it’s RB’s are non existent? Anyways this team is clutching dubs left and right and people are beginning to wonder if this team will ever taste defeat. It seems this team is gonna take it all the way to the top and fulfill its end of the prophecy.
2. The Fire to Consume All. (3-1)
Long ago in a distant land, a prodigy child was born. The Oracle claimed that this offspring would be the one to save his land from a dark unstoppable evil from destroying everything he loved. Last year he fulfilled his prophecy but it seems the dark evil has returned stronger than ever and it is up to the prophecy child to stop the evil terrorizing the land. A well rounded team lead by Scary Terry, Tom Brady, Jonathan Taylor, Davante Adams, Aaron Rodgers, and James Robinson are more than enough to stop the evil before him. It’s like the damn avengers got together to kick some Hasbulla ass. Look to see this team in the championship.
Playoff Contenders
3. Blocc Boy Life (3-1)
Blocc Boy Life. It seems as if this fradulent ass team was finally exposed this week. Patrick Mahomes was able to salvage this team from being absolute dogshit by scoring a nice 31.72 points this past weekend but it was in vain in the face of undeniable adversity against The Fire to consume all. This team was able to taste its first defeat and things seem to become even more gloom for this team as it faces Dog Shit for week 5. However it still has a pretty good record so it is clinging onto third place for week 4 power rankings.
4. Dog Shit (2-2)
Despite this teams name it seems this team is the furthest from dogshit out of all the (2-2) teams. Austin Ekeler lead this team with 29.5 points but this team did not have a single fucking player score under 10 points this week and clutched out 184.66 points in week 4 against Imagine Greg winning. Seems like this team has the most balanced players in the entire league and seems is going to soon overtake Tyriq Wise.
5. Kung Flu Killaz (2-2)
Owner Reynolds had some major poppage from Saquon Barkley this week. Just as things were beginning to seem his value was obsolete Saquon Barkley turns the tide and throws a fat 29.6 points combined with a 29.02 points from Matt Ryan. However this teams scoring lead came from DJ Moore in the absence of CMC. It is noteworthy that David Montgomery is going to miss 4-5 weeks after his knee injury which will definitely hurt owner Reynolds team. However hope does not seem lost for Owner Reynolds and it seems as though he will be a playoff contender after all.
6. Imagine Greg Winning (2-2)
Well Owner Boucher did take a fat loss from Dogshit this week but a loss was expected from such a powerful team. It did not go unnoticed that Boucher benched his leading scorer this week but what can you do I guess. This mans lethal weapon is Derrick fucking Henry who dropped a fat 25.7 points. Supplemented by Lamar Jackson and DK this team looks to be a danger to middle teams in this league. However a lot of uselessness in this team includes Ryan tannehill , Mike Davis and Kittle has been looking a little iffy this season.
Dogshit of this league
7.Big Earl Dragons (1-3)
Well an upgrade after a loss is just stupid in my opinion. But this team did score a massive 211.76 which is the second highest score in this entire league. This team is built on the backs of CEH, a revitalized Zeke, Antonio Gibson, Hockenson, and Swift, then the rest of this team is dogshit. Things aren’t looking very good for Big Earl Dragons. But in the face of adversity it is up to the strong to rise above and overcome the challenges placed before then and maybe this team can clutch out some wins and make it to the playoffs…..maybe.
8. Sixth Zanny (1-3)
The savior of this league with the most anticipated game ever precedented in this entire godforsaken league. Omar Ibrahim clutched a big fat dub right in Chris Ortega’s stupid fucking face and brought him out of being completely defeated. Omar entered complete euphoria when Justin Herbert scored 21.28 points and Darren waller shit the bed with 15.0 bringing this team out of its losing streak by fucking 2 points. Holy shit I am still shaking with happiness from this game. Owner Ibrahim will be the only dogshit team that I will praise this week.
9.Bass to Mouth (1-3)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHA
The Biggest Stupidest Bitch
10. Literal Mammoth Shit (1-3)
Well Tblz what a shame it is that you are the fucking league fool this week. Your team looks fucking trash and it’s a miracle that you even won one week. It pains me to see Kamara hurting but if it means that you suffer then I guess there is silver lining after all. Dak Prescott and kamara are the only valuable players on this team and the rest is absolutely garbage. I can’t wait to play against you, you absolute trash. It’ll be like a bye week for me. Peace bitch.
Fin.
Troop 